How Will I Ever Get Through This?

March 29th, 2024

The Psalmist said in Psalm 31:15, "My times are in Your hand." If I believe that, it means I understand that, in good or bad times, God is in control. Can I submit to that idea? Can I trust Him? Join me today as I recount God's faithfulness in my own life and share the story of Rachael, who, in the midst of her cancer journey, shows us God's grace and peace in action in real time.

Lately, my mind has been swimming with memories—both recent and remote—of the suffering, losses, and emotional storms I’ve weathered during my decades of life on this planet. A common thread woven throughout each of these “pit stops” was my first thought―"How will I ever get through this?"―when hit with the reality of the circumstances. I wanted to know what to do and how to feel even before the next step of my course was unveiled. But God’s ways were, and are, and always will be higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8–9).

The memories? . . . losing my closest uncle to a sudden heart attack when I was just 13; then a year later, almost to the day, my sweet maternal grandmother dying in the ambulance transporting her to a local hospital; then at the age of 15, coming home from school one day to the news that my mother was having emergency surgery for Stage 4 cervical cancer (Praise God, she made a full recovery and is now miraculously in her 90s!); then the following year, my strong and steady maternal grandfather succumbing to the ravaging effects of lung cancer. Some of the most influential people of my young life—gone, coupled with the fear of losing a parent before I was finished with high school left me with a lot of questions about grief, suffering, and loss and God’s role in it all.

Through my suffering, I grew to have a deeper understanding of the ultimate sacrifice He made when He gave His only begotten Son to die a painful death in my place (John 3:16).

Ironically, and contrary to human reasoning, these situations drove me closer to God. It was during these trials that I found He was the friend who stuck closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3), and the lover of my soul (Jeremiah 31:3; Lamentations 3:22–23)—filling all the roles so desperately needed in my life during those times. I was also able to grasp that He would never expect me to go through these times of devastation alone, and through my suffering, I grew to have a deeper understanding of the ultimate sacrifice He made when He gave His only begotten Son to die a painful death in my place (John 3:16). Yes, these losses truly manifested the meaning of God’s grace in times of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Since my teen years, I have seen, among other challenges, God carry my husband and me through the trial of my unexpected brain tumor when our firstborn daughter was just a year and a half old, the fear of being unable to conceive after my brain surgery, and in more recent years, the loss of a precious granddaughter at 21 weeks gestation at the beginning of COVID and not being allowed in the hospital to support my daughter through this heart-breaking event.

But God . . .

They say that hindsight is 20/20. I agree.

God has always been faithful (1 Corinthians 10:13; 2 Thessalonians 3:3) and will always work His will in His way (Philippians 2:13) in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

My times are in His hands (Psalm 31:14–15)—what a freeing revelation this has become. God has proven that His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30), and He will do what’s best for me (Romans 8:28), not what’s most comfortable. Though often, He’ll include blessings I could never have anticipated.

Now, 31 years after my brain surgery, I am still alive and well. I now have three grown daughters, and God has blessed the daughter who miscarried with a more profound love and trust for Him and a beautiful, healthy, now 7-month-old baby girl. He―the One called Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11)―carried us through as He always does. That’s the key though—allowing Him to do His work and relying on Him to carry us through. I believe that is the meaning behind the Apostle Paul’s “when I am weak, then am I strong” statement in 2 Corinthians 12:9–10—the source of his strength was not himself.

So, you may be wondering what prompted my recent reminiscing . . .

Over the past year, I have prayed for two women who battled cancer and have since graduated to Glory. Though it was heartbreaking to watch their rapid deterioration from afar, I witnessed such incredible displays of God’s grace and peace through their testimonies and in the lives of their husbands/families. In fact, Episode 3 of The DeBunked Files podcast features a glimpse into the journey of Bub and Jeanette Kuns towards the end of her earthly battle.

A few weeks ago, yet another testimony was shared with me, and I’d like to take the rest of this blog to introduce Rachael to you. (I’ll share more of her story in a future blog as well.)

Journal Entry by Rachael Neal―March 8, 2024

God's plans are always better than ours. His ways and thoughts are higher. He knows our needs. He sees our future. He is present in our current trials, and He promises never to leave us or forsake us.

In the past six months, I have endured more physically, mentally, and emotionally than I ever thought possible. Yet, in Christ, I was held. I was carried. I was safe and secure. When I felt like I was drowning in the pit of despair and fear threatened to overtake me, He whispered in my ear, "I am here. You are safe. You are loved." God used people in my life in a way I don't think I'll ever be able to articulate this side of heaven―people who ministered to me with Scripture, gifts of comfort, meals, hugs, encouragement, and confrontation. Yes, confrontation.

When I was tempted to believe the lies of Satan, people reminded me of God's promises in His Word. There is NOTHING that happens to us that is outside His control. He is sovereign, trustworthy, and loves us so deeply. Because of that, I could trust that these terrible things were not happening TO me, but God would work all of these circumstances THROUGH me for His glory and my good.

It's hard to wrap your mind around a good God and the suffering of His people. As humans, we expect that when we are part of God's family, we should live in this perpetual state of comfort and safety. But that is not what God's Word teaches us. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God has allowed this cancer, this horrible physical disease, to ravage my body for His glory and my good. How? Why? I may never fully know. I don't know why people die seemingly too young. I don't know why babies are stillborn or miscarried. I don't understand why tragedy happens to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. What I do know is that God is wholly good. He is wholly FOR US. He is holy and in complete control. And He is worthy of our trust.

I still fight each day to stand before Him with my hands open, palms to Him in surrender. Too often, I want to take back the wheel and control the outcomes of my circumstances. Too often, I feel sorry for myself and am tempted to drown in self-pity. I struggle with guilt and shame. I fear that I haven't said thank you enough to the people who have helped. I fear that, somehow, I've not met expectations in relationships. It's weird the way Satan lies to you during a time like this. I have more days like that than I'd like to admit. But God. He never leaves. He's always here to forgive, to restore, to redeem.

Until you or I are called to walk through a personal tragedy or a potentially terminal illness, we won’t fully know the grace, peace, and understanding reflected in Rachael’s story. I pray that I will surrender to my Savior as she has should this ever become my lot.

Philippians 4:6–9 NKJV

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

2 Corinthians 1:3–6 NKJV

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

In the meantime, and before the next installment of Rachael’s story, I want to encourage you to join us in prayer for her healing, her family, and her message to touch the lives of others for Christ. You can follow her journey, offer encouragement, and even donate towards expenses for her care by clicking HERE.

Author Bio:
Holly Varnum, Director of Curriculum Development at Reasons for Hope, serves as the Managing Editor for our book projects and weekly blogs, writes blogs and curricular materials to support many of our media resources, speaks at conferences, and trains Christian educators. With degrees in education, curriculum and instruction, and educational administration, she comes with over three decades of experience in working with teens and adults in camp ministry, teaching and administration, and curriculum writing (A Beka Book, Focus on the Family, and Answers in Genesis to name a few). God has provided her with a well-rounded educational perspective through service in Christian schools, charter schools, public schools, homeschooling, Christian camps, and local church ministry. She has been a classroom teacher, instructional coach, administrator, camp counselor, Sunday School teacher, ladies’ Bible Study teacher, and conference speaker. She looks forward to using her passion for God’s truth within the context of Reasons for Hope.

Her hobbies include cooking, baking, hiking, camping, traveling, and working on do-it-yourself projects. Holly and her husband, Paul, also enjoy any time they can spend with their three grown daughters, two sons-in-law, and four grandchildren (so far!). They live between the beautiful states of Maine and southern New Jersey, and yes, they eat lobster (properly pronounced “lobstah”) and crab whenever they get a chance!

To learn more about Holly, or to book her as a speaker for educational, ladies', or girls' events, click HERE.

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